Trusting in the Struggle

I just have to share a little story from yesterday! 
Yesterday morning the boys & I were hanging out playing and I decided to load them up and go drive through an automatic car wash.  Random.  I haven't been in one of those in years but for whatever reason we went.  I got the baby in his seat, started the car, backed out of the driveway and then it happened...
This song came on the radio.  And i knew it was never really my idea at all.  God put that idea in motion and met with me in such an overwhelming way in that random moment of my day.  Overwhelming in a much needed good way.  In a "daughter, I'm here.  and i know." kind of way. 
We've been facing a life changing, rug pulled out from under you, drive you to your knees over and over again kind of struggle for a little over 3 years now.  The unknowns are endless and that's scary.  There isn't anything i can do to control any of it and that's scary.  This week has been especially hard and I'm worn.  Emotionally drained.  And I didn't even realize how desperately i needed to feel the Lord so close.  But He knew.  And he met me there in the car as i went to do the most random silly thing.  Oh the tears. 
It has been ugly. hard. heart breaking. I don't understand why....at all.  But you know what i do know?  That the Lord has this one handled.  And in the midst of the heartache & questioning & tears & confusion, He has made a way.  A way to get through each day.  He has given joy and peace.  And when it all felt like too much to bear He has blessed us with friends to fill the gap.  And He has met me right where i am in those overwhelming times, just like He did yesterday.
Here are some of the verses that we have clung to in all of this....
Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
~Joshua 1:9~
.....This is what the Lord says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God's.
~2 Chronicles 20:15~
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
~Romans 8:28~
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
~Psalm 27:13&14~
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
~James 1:12~
And this one has been an answer to prayer over and over when I beg the question "What now?"
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
~Exodus 14:14~
The end of this struggle is still yet to be seen.  But in all of this I've grown in so many ways.  I know the Lord in a deeper, more intimate way than i ever thought possible.  I've learned to truly trust and rest in knowing He will never leave me.  His plans for me and my family are good.  And so we wait.  And my biggest desire in the waiting has been that somehow, some way in the mess that I've been in this struggle that i can glorify Him.
Can i just encourage you that whatever it may be that you are struggling with, God sees and he knows.  And he wants nothing more than to wrap you in His love and peace!  To meet you right where you are and walk with you every step of the way!  If you need prayer, please please comment or email me!  I would love to stand with you in prayer for whatever it is that you need or desire! 
But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.
~Deuteronomy 4:29~


Angela said...

You are so strong! I love that even though you are sharing your problems and worries you can still encourage others to lean on God. You are amazing and I pray that God just gives you strength and confidence in His plan...whatever it may be!

Lainey-Paney said...

...and now I feel reeeeally bad for crying about petty things....